Breakups are hard. Heartbreaks tag along, which make it even harder. The human heart can only suffer so much, and an incredulous heartbreak will only add to the list more. With hundreds of questions swirling in your mind, you’ll keep thinking of what all went wrong in the relationship for it to meet such a painful end. Even if you were the one to end the relationship, it’s equally heart-rendering for you. People say, with time, you’ll get over it quickly or just distract yourself and you’ll eventually move on. For some it maybe true, but for others, it’s not easy. Each passing day feels empty and devoid of meaning and life purposes. To even put it dramatically, it’s like a hundred knife stabbing your heart. We understand the excruciating pain, but imagine this, what if we said that your heartbreak is the way to discover yourself?
Heartbreaks are hard, but not feeling entitled to feel happy is harder
Our life experiences change us, without us even knowing it. Every event or incident leaves an everlasting impression on you that you grow from. Whether it’s a happy or sad one, you gain experience for a lifetime. Similarly, your breakup, even though has been traumatic, can be the positive light you need in your life. Being with a person teaches you so much; you start viewing the world differently. If you were really close to your former partner, then it must’ve felt like seeing the world from a different pair of eyes.
Relationships prepare you for the worse in life. They are a beautiful connection, woven by love, trust and understanding. Once, these emotions start disappearing, the relationships also take a negative term. It’s common for people to break up when they disagree, fight or argue amongst themselves. When views, opinions and thoughts don’t match anymore, separating is the only viable option left. After all, you wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t consider your feelings or approves your thought processes. Breakups happen when you realise that you need to prioritise yourself first.
This where self-care comes in. We understand that breakups are heart-wrenching but if you want to gain something positive out of the thing, start thinking positively. This is your chance to step up and care about yourself because at the end of the day no one is going to be there for you, but yourself. All those times when you felt that you weren’t good enough, can change now. Your mental-wellbeing matters the most and to achieve start by looking at the mirror and appreciate what you see in front of you. Your smile, flashy eyes, crooked nose are all parts beautiful and no one should ever make you believe that you aren’t worth it.
Trust yourself and the process
For others to start believing, you need to start with yourself first. Step by step, day by day, a single positive thought can make all the difference. Wear clothes that make you feel confident or apply that red lipstick if you’ve always wanted to if you couldn’t yet. These little things matter and if somehow if you forgot about your likes and dislikes in your relationship, then now is the time. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel inferior.
You’ll slowly notice that your heart has eventually started to heal. Sure enough, memories may come haunting back, but at least for the first time, you’ve prioritised yourself enough to be and do whatever you want. That’s your heart piecing back together after the heartbreak.
After this, the second step you should take is to conclude the closure in your relationship. Avoid the countless ‘what-ifs’ by talking maturely with your ex and saying that even if the relationship was a failure or a hateful one, you’re thankful for the experience that it brought you. To be honest, nothing is really ever negative. Our mind sets a precedence and we start to think differently and be remorseful if things don’t go according to what we plan. The same goes for a breakup. Endless incidents around you, have preached that heartbreaks are always sad and heart-wrenching. How can beautiful vines ever grow out of it?
One failed relationship can never define you
If you introspect carefully, you’ll understand that you’re a flower bud waiting to bloom the next morning after a stormy, windy night. Grief shapes our lives in a very different way. Our closed ones also contribute to our mental wellbeing. What are friends for when they can’t crack lame jokes in a tense situation? They always want you to excel and recognise yourself for the fighter you are. If you think you being a ‘fighter’ is exaggerating, then stop and think this: you fought through your mind hurdles alone. After days of immense crying, you went out wearing a smile. Didn’t you fight just now? No fight is ever small or big but your own. There are wars, while there are petty fights too but none are small for themselves. Also, never, ever think that crying makes you weak. You’re just letting go of unspoken tears, to stand up and gear up now.
These are the emotional needs you can take care of once you decide to live happy no matter what. Other than that, if you feel down because of the heartbreak, attach cute, sticky notes on your table or refrigerator that preaches positive notes. Five positive notes a day has the power to counter one negative thought every day. Put up that poster of your favourite things on your wall. Go on a trip with your friends to exfoliate all the negative thoughts and memories left after the breakup. Surround yourself with loveable things that make you feel that you’re loved and cared for. Most essentially, you take care of yourself. Even if your former relationship has left you shattered, have faith and believe that you can be happy and content again.
If life knocks you down, you can choose whether or not to get back up. Redeem yourself; you’ll never find flowers blooming in others than yourself.